remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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