So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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