he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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