Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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