If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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