I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
