you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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