South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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