physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
