So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
