also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
