finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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