Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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