so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
