i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
