why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
