I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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