Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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