i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
