My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
