I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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