Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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