Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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