I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
