he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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