he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize