I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
