All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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