Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
