I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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