break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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