At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's unicorns you uncultured swine