she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.