Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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