I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
