All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
