vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
