New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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