is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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