I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
