so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
