She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
