Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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