that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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