I will die if light touches me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
