Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it hurts more in the daytime
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
