I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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