I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
