i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
