i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
