Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and you said cock pushups were impossible
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
