no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
