Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
