My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
