It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
