I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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