kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.