Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.