Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?