She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.