Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?