If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner