I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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