he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
